Our Daughter's Bedrooms

Yes, as anticipated, graduate school is kicking my butt. I don't know how often I'll be able to post. But when I can, I will draw your attention to stuff I think is worthwhile. Like this new book by Joyce McFadden. It's called Our Daughter's Bedrooms. The book emerged from McFadden's mental health care practice. Following up on trends she was seeing among her patients, she launched the Women's Realities Study, in which she interviewed hundreds of women from 18 to 105. Three major themes (which will not surprise you) emerged from this study: masturbation, menstruation, and relationships with mothers. McFadden found that women's relationships with their mothers profoundly influenced the development of their sexuality: their self-confidence, their feelings about their bodies, and how they deal with challenges around sexuality and fertility throughout their lives. Her book discusses the development of sexuality within the context of the mother/daughter relationship and sets out a model for how we can nurture girls and raise healthy, confident women who are comfortable with themselves as sexual beings.

You can watch a video of McFadden discussing the book on her website (link above). And, if you're in NYC, you can catch her doing periodic speaking engagements. She'll be at Bluestockings on Tuesday, September 13th, at 7PM. Bluestockings is at 172 Allen Street at Stanton (on the Lower East Side). 

Two Good New Books About Your Down There

You've heard this before: there are so few realistic images of women's bodies, and so many images of airbrushed, surgically-altered women, that most women have no idea what normal is, and often think that they are abnormal, unattractive, etc. Although the problem is pervasive when it comes to women's overall appearance, it's even more acute when we consider women's vulvas. Aside from images in pornography, many women have never seen another woman's external genitalia. And just as our breasts don't look like porn star breasts, our genitals don't look like porn star genitals.

A few women (and men) have taken matters into their own hands. I've written many times about Alexandra Jacoby's vulva portraitraiture project. Now there is a new book, out of Canada, which essentially tackles the same idea. By showing each other what we look like, we can come to understand that variety is normal, and beautiful. I'll Show You Mine consists of 120 portraits of 60 women, all in exactly the same 2 poses (frontal and with legs spread), along with text written by the women about their relationships with their vulvas. The women are fairly diverse, ranging in age from 19 to 60, with varied backgrounds and lifestyles. They comprise a range of ethnicities and sizes; there is even a trans woman. The book is beautifully produced, in an environmentally sound manner, and 10% of proceeds go to women's charities. And as with so many media products these days, there is a highly interactive website to accompany it. The book is mainly available in Canada. If you're in the US or elsewhere, you'll probably need to order it by mail from their website. 


I've also been very impressed by a new book that deals in a straightforward, cogent way with a problem that many women have, but few women talk about. The book is called When Sex Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain. Although there are many causes of genital pain in women, we generally divide them into two broad categories. Vulvodynia means "pain in the vulva" and is considered a chronic pain condition, though the pain may be constant, intermittent, or primarily provoked by touch. Dyspareunia ("dis-pah-roo-nee-ah") refers to painful intercourse. Just as women tend not to discuss their feelings of shame or inadequacy around the appearance of their genitals, they rarely talk about their vulvar pain, even with their doctors, who can be dismissive and/or ignorant. The authors estimate that up to 40% of women with these pain conditions don't seek medical care, and those that do will often end up seeing many different practitioners before obtaining a diagnosis, if they receive one at all. The book is written by 2 doctors and a psychologist, and I found their approach to be smart, frank, understanding, and hopeful. Women with these pain conditions can become very depressed and disempowered. While this book will never hit the best-seller list, I hope that many women who need it will find it.  

New Year's Resolution: Have Good Conversations

I recently told a friend about a salon I'd attended, and he said, "Salon? Like a hair salon?" No, my dear young readers. A salon, in the centuries old sense of the word, meaning a gathering, an event, a place to be entertained and to learn (to quote Wikipedia) "under the roof of an inspiring host." My friend Alexandra is the very definition of an inspiring host, and she has recently revived her Sunday afternoon salon series, which is part of her larger "vagina verité" project. (She does not like to use capital letters in that phrase, but I forgive her.) If you are in the New York area, I highly recommend that you treat yourself in the coming year to some great conversation, and some provocative art, and go. Here are the details, from Alexandra's content-rich website.

The topic of the December salon will also be the topic of the January salon, "v-anatomy 101." It wasn't a lecture on anatomy & physiology, however. Yes, we looked at some videos and books about the anatomy & physiology of the vulvovaginal area, but mostly we talked about stuff:  sex (of course), vulvovaginal health, first experience with tampons, where we go for information, how much information we want, and at what age - that sort of thing. We also looked at the "v-portraits," which are now one step closer to being in book format, and one happy participant colored in Tee Corinne's famous coloring book. 


If you're not in NY, well, you can still sign up for Alexandra's mailing list, and why don't you think about starting up your own salon series? I co-facilitated one for nearly two years and it was a blast. Be the antidote to Facebook in your community. Stop communicating in 140 characters or fewer.

I want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy new year. Take care of yourselves, and make the world a better place.

Sheri Winston and the Three Breath Orgasm

I've known about holistic sexuality educator Sheri Winston for many years, but I'd never actually visited her website. Until recently, when I was working on links for my own website. I like that she contextualizes her work as sexuality *education.* Fertility Awareness and sexuality education go hand in hand. It's all about empowerment, baby. People have told me how much they enjoyed studying with Sheri Winston. I can see why. Her approach is contagiously positive, and while she's spiritual, she's also down to earth. And she's a fabulous example of how a big woman can be really, really sexy.
Intimate Arts Center

Here's a great video from her site.



(Note to blog subscribers: If this video is not appearing in your email, please click on either of the headlines above this text, and you'll be taken to this blog entry, or go to Sheri's website and look on right for "Look Ma, No Hands!")

Radio Lab takes on Sperm

You may or may not be familiar with Radio Lab. It's a science-oriented show that airs on WNYC, New York Public Radio, and is wildly popular in the podcasting world. This Friday, 11/21, they will be taking on the subject of sperm. Why sperm and not eggs, you may ask? I've no idea. Ask them. But based on their 8 minute preview podcast, it promises to be be both entertaining and educational.

There will be many ways to hear this show. If you're in the New York area, you can catch it on 93.9 FM from 3-4PM and on 820 AM from 8-9PM on Friday, 11/21. If you're near a computer at those times, you can stream it at www.wnyc.org. After the show airs, it will be available for both streaming and download on their website on this page. (This page is also where you will be able to post comments about the various segments, and there are links to things mentioned on the show such as the Donor Sibling Registry.) And of course you can subscribe to the podcast via iTunes. 

If you haven't heard Radio Lab before, you may be pleasantly (or unpleasantly) surprised by the sound of it. It is highly produced. Unlike sperm, which, as my students have heard me say, is a classic example of quantity over quality.

US Statistics re Sex Education

Percentage of teens receiving formal education regarding birth control:
1995 – 87%
2002 – 70%

Percentage of teens receiving abstinence-only sex education (no information regarding contraception):
1995 – 8%
2002 – 21% of females, 24% of males

Percentage of sex education instructors teaching abstinence as only way to prevent pregnancy and STIs:
1988 – 2%
1999 – 25%

Percentage of Americans who believe that students should be taught about both abstinence as well as other methods of preventing pregnancy and STIs:
82%

Source: Alan Guttmacher Institute